To be,
or not to be, that is the question!
This famous quote from Shakespeare’s Hamlet,
sums up beautifully, the chaos and confusion that most adolescents go through,
in their quest to figure out who they are.
Am I a child ….. or a grown up already?
Do I know my mind ….. or am I confused?
I want to be a musician …. No, a scientist …..
or do I wish to be a gardener?
This confusion, this not quite knowing who you
are, is very much a part of growing up, very much a part of the saga of being
an adolescence. We have all heard of parents who wonder where their little
bundle of joy had gone, and who this unknown stranger was, who was
impersonating as their child!
As parents, it is important for us to
understand that as children enter their teens, they start a process of
discovering themselves. It’s a period of upheaval, and while some may make this
transition smoothly, for most it is a roller coaster ride. And we get to ride
with them for free! How we can make this transition easier for them and for us,
is to understand what it’s all about.
The term ‘identity crisis’ was coined by
psychologist Erik Erikson. He believed that it was an important developmental
crisis that most humans experienced in their adolescent years. In simple words,
adolescence is a period when individuals start questioning the beliefs, values
and ideas that they have so far been accepting and following. As a child, we
always accept what our parents, teachers, community, peers tell us. No
questions asked. It is now, in this growing up period, that we start asking
questions, start asking what we want for ourselves. Naturally, we experience a
period of confusion, as we no longer blindly believe what we have believed so
far. If we sail through this period, we will have formed a clear identity for
ourselves. However, if we are unable to do so, then we experience identity
confusion.
What are the things that can help a growing
adolescent form a strong and clear identity? Here are a few things that can
help:
- Encourage Questions and Doubts: Your teen will ask you a lot
of uncomfortable questions, about values, about God and religion, about
principles and ways of doing things. Encourage this. Don’t put it down by
saying “that’s the way things are done!” Answer his questions to the best
of your abilities, and if you cannot, direct him to the right source.
- Be Non Judgmental: This is a tough one. It’s hard
not to be judgmental about the clothes your child likes, the hairstyles,
the music, the friends …. The values. But have patience. Your teen is
going through a phase where he is exploring, experimenting, trying out
different things to see what fits best with the person that he or she is.
Give him the space to do so!
- Have Faith in Your Upbringing: If you have instilled the
right values in your child, or even if you are a teacher, in your
students, you don’t have to worry much. While, the adolescent will go
through this stage of questioning and rejecting, if she has a strong
foundation and base, she will come around. She may not believe in all the
things that you do, but sure enough, what she believes in, she will stand
by!
Doing the above will help your teenager feel
comfortable and confident in going through this process, and your patience will
bear fruit. Before you know it, your pricky, irksome teenager will have grown
into a beautiful human being with values that he stands by!
